im stuck in the middle

if you really care for someone do you give it your all to look out for them, do whats best for them? try to guide them? i know the cold hard fact that when it comes down to it, people have to do whats best for THEM and not for anyone else, but is it really going downhill if you dont? is leading your life in the direction of another something to stay away from? what if its based on love? does that make it alright? love should accompany them on the way, but they need to make the realizations and choices. its a hard path to watch. i think i need to watch finding nemo?

lets look into the mirror and try to find beauty

i hate feeling this way, no actual verbal/physical action being made to make you feel this way, just mental, all in the head type of shit. does anyone randomly get in these moods? just thinking about a whole heap of stuff, and then smallest thing just tips it off, i feel i can control it to a certain degree, but then again my heads playing these games, its not healthy. making it harder to bare. i feel i need to talk, and no, not sharing a sob story, just talk, about anything and everything. you get what i mean?

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA

i've been meaning to post this for a while.... HAHAHAHHAH. its kinda cute? ;)

buzzin all over me

ahhh finally blogging! im sorry i haven't in so long! i have had so much on my mind and have been meaning to blog!

i've been thinking about how so many things are changing at the moment, friends, family, school.....i want to be able to say i've given as much effort as i can to school, but i know that isn't true, my relationship with family is definitely a bumpy one.. and as for friends, i know i have them but you know what they say, friends come and go.

i've decided to try be positive about the new term, grades wise, im doing pretty poorly.. :/ but i have a whole new term ahead of me and im going to try and fix my tracks.

new years resolutions????

we all made them, lose weight, flirt, no regrets etc...blahblahblah

it lasted for the rest of summer, and then was almost forgotten, i think making the most of something, is looking at it and making it better. being totally proud of it. it seems like the statement, its easier said than done once again applies. but its all in your head! once you can control your mind you are sussed! :)

sugar, spice and everything nice

it makes a whole lot of a difference when someone tells you you're beautiful rather than, oh you're hot, its like the word beautiful has so much more of a deeper meaning, and value.

"tell me i'm beautiful, and baby, i'm yours."

flapflapflappin

sexy devilish smile ;) naughty

its been 18 days since i've had a look at myself...

Sanam, you posted these exact pictures, and i just had to share my thoughts.... :)

i agree with the statement, suicide is a selfish act. i understand why it would be. but i know what it feels like.

being depressed is having things in your life eating away at your sub conscious, something that is a struggle to control, more than a struggle, a fight, with the thoughts and feelings inside your head and your heart, until you cant handle the trauma your mind is causing. in the end it all manages to put you in a state where your subconscious is then telling you, "i cannot deal with this". you then finally really consider the action that has been aching in your head throughout the process, suicide.

is it really a selfish thought/action when everything going on in your head is an emotional wreck? when you cant seem to see the light because everything is just covering it up?

with something so serious like depression and suicide, you need to be aware that the smallest thing you can do to support someone, help them get through it, even just listen, can tear away some of that darkness and reveal the light.

sometimes all a person needs is some help to find the light.

its selfish for the people on the other side to ever have the right to doubt the capabilities depression has.

and sometimes we catch a glimpse of happiness

i always find myself wanting my impact on someone to be a positive one with outcomes like these, them feeling happy, to smile, to show them that they can believe, have hope, be proud, think for themselves, and laugh, a lot :) to me, having someone feel all of those things, because of me can really brighten the darkest of moods

your just one addiction that cannot be controlled baby

mm for me this has been the case so many times. how can one person overtake all your thoughts? and when you want to concentrate on 1 thing, you never can, your mind is always buzzing. but then the thought of that one person consumes everything. its crazy.

on sleepless roads the sleepless go

whatever., i don't know. why not just fuck the world and give up? what have i got to lose? a whole heap of nothing and a little bit of everything. i need to balance things up, or even un balance things just to clear a path for me. i keep on walking with no real place to go, just different people giving me directions. its all up to me which path i choose to walk, but i cant fucking decide.

please let this road be a safe one, where everything is right.

(excuse me if i swear too much for your liking in this post.)

someday we're gonna break up from these chains and keep on flying

this seems to be just what happens. please. somebody prove me wrong.

wheres your head at!

Dear Diary,

last night i went to sleep with 3 words that changed everything, those 3 words have never made me feel happier. i went to sleep with a smile on my face. knowing that they love me.

today i woke up with 3 words that changed everything, those 3 words have never made me feel so sad, like this person had ripped out my heart and threw it on the floor expecting me to pick it up. i've cried all day. knowing that same person, hates me.

at least i know now, the first 3 words were a lie.

looking out for you to hold my hand, it feels like i could fall

all i want to do is sleep. close my eyes and fall into a dream, where nothing can hurt me.

and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like, i love you

can someone please define love for me? if you look love up in the dictionary, it'll tell you something like, strong affection towards another person, strong sexual passion or desire.. etc...

but i think the dictionary has got it all wrong, how anybody would describe it really doesn't suffice , because its just something words cannot describe. why is it that love is something so strong, but people throw around the word like it doesn't mean anything.

i have this picture of what love should feel like, what it should look like, what it should be like. people tend to associate the word like with love, even the dictionary does, many times. but personally the only similarity i see with those two very different words is they both have 4 letters. thats it. and when someone confuses really liking a person to loving them, thats when you feel miss-led and you feel like a part of your heart is missing. breaking someone's heart is something you cant undo. sure you can mend your hurt feelings, but the scars are always there, reminding you every time you think you feel love.

can i have a demo first please?

if i do this, will it be that part of my life when i was young and stupid and didn't have a worry in the world to do so? will i look back and have no regrets, no turning back? no wanting to re-live the moment because i did everything i should have and wanted. i want things to be this easy, i want to see myself saying it was the right thing to do. but i dont know if i will be satisfied for the choice im about to make, and whether or not it is a big mistake or not.

im not going to question what i do the next day.

the next hour.

the next minute.

the next moment.

i feel like i already know what i want. and it'll become clear whether or not its worth it once i've done it. i can only try.

i remember when i used to feel something.. but now im just cold inside..

" i'm going to do it, just go for it, no looking back, no regrets, i know what i want."

why is it that i can think this in my mind with ease. but then when it comes to acting on it, that force freezes up. its those voices in my head saying, you care, you don't want to do this but you know its right. i shouldn't care. and then thats when i ask myself, why? why am i caring? and then stupidly enough to find the answer, i confuse it with love.

love for the last time

my mums just come back from Portugal today! go me heaps of gifts :) YAY! im so happy now that she's back! it seems as though coming back from her trip, her whole outlook on life is so much brighter, and appreciative. My sister and i were getting into an argument about me borrowing my sisters heels and she wouldn't let me, and so i called my sister a bitch. my mum then chose to share a little story with the both of us just to try and show us that you never know what you've really got till you've lost it. this is how the story went...its a true story by the way

back when the nazi's were transporting the jews to the concentration camps in Germany, this young girl and her younger brother had gotten separated from their parents, they were put onto a train packed with jews with people literally spilling out the doors. the sister noticed her younger brother had no shoes on, and scolded him "why dont you have any shoes on?! how can you have lost your shoes! your such an idiot!"

that was the last thing she had said to him before they both got separated from each other and the young girl had never seen her brother since then to this day.

after my mum had told the story she then asked me if i would be happy if the last thing i said to my sister was calling her a bitch.. the answer was obvious. it took something so small like a story like that to make me realize that we shouldn't waste time being angry at someone about something stupid. rather make an effort to love them always, because anything can happen and it may be the last time you love them again

oh dear

im not really sure exactly what i want to write in this blog.. ive got no picture no reason to actually write, just writing because really i've just got a lot on my mind. i just came back from a party. was pretty good, now i just feel i have to write. do you ever feel like you just dont know anymore, you dont know if its worth waiting, standing by, making an effort, and you should just let go? do whatever. its severe., confusion in my mind, its like ive got too much, and i just want to let go, not worry, and just have everything in my control, no one elses, no looking out for others that may or not be worth it. i dont know, this state im in is causing me to question whether or not everything is worth it,. and what is everything? i need to find that out first.................

please

i feel like if you take the more easier path you don't get the full satisfaction of being proud of every step you have taken, yeah it may have been easier but there's no evidence that you actually tried to get there. with effort comes respect. knowing that someone appreciates you is a lot more rewarding than taking the easy way out

why do i cry so often

sad, upset, down, hurt, unhappy, distressed, low, depressed. heartbroken.

i've been all these things many times. so upset you feel like nothing ever is going to go right. i feel like i'm stuck between 2 choices right now, the result of this is a severe feeling, feeling like all i can do is cry to overcome the pain, but even that just makes the suffering develop into something more than just pain but depression.

a nasty habit

giving you some of the realness of life, like many things these statements aren't set in stone, they're not always the case, but i think each bit of what this has to say is to just be aware. not to look into things so deeply, but to accept them as how they may be. it comes down to trust, and how easily you get sucked into it. i feel like if i put my trust into somebody im bound to get hurt, i cant say thats a good thing, and definitely a flaw i have. but im prepared. for the worst. you just have to be strong every time this may happen to you, its a part of what goes on in life, and from personal encounters with trust being broken and lost, it has only made me stronger as a person everytime

shooting stars

oh my goodness gracious me! Chuck Bass ♡ there are no words to describe how much he amazes every girl on the earth! fuck. is all i can say :O

oh peter pan ♡ i'm enjoying the teenage life! i dont want to leeeaaaaaveeeee! party till im 100years old! varyniiice

ohyesss aren't those moments just great where you just wish they'd make the freeaking move already. stop beating round the bush and just do it! what have you got to lose? its a 50/50 chance of getting the reply/answer you'd like, so why not? this moment isn't going to come along again, your never going to get this second again, so why not make the most of it and do what you reeeally want. yes you might be a little embarrassed but so what? that passes, just think what if you didn't and that person would have given you the reply you were hoping for. sometimes people just need a little push ;)

im buzzin like a buzzy beeeeeeee!

hahahahaha i guess you either feel it or ya dont ;)

SB NF

its a lot easier to hide your emotions by just switching on a smile and acting like nothing is wrong, until it eats at you, bottling things up is not good for the mind. its quite a negative suggestion to make. you may think, nobody cares about me, and nobody understands me. you are wrong. theres always going to be someone who understands the pain and unhappiness your feeling. you just have to find them, and if your first encounter with somebody doesn't work, just remember there are billionssssss of others out there who are just as capable to listen. so actually, in the long run, things are a lot easier when you let everything out, whether that be to talk to someone or just cry. its normal to be upset :) but its definitely not OK to stay that way. anyone thats feeling upset, just remember theres always going to be someone out there to help you through it. don't give up. tomorrows another day :)

blonde hoe

truth is, karma will take its toll. so if you know you've been two faced, a bitch, mean, selfish, inconsiderate, anything you know is bad,one day will have payback for your negative actions with a little bitch called karma. we all choose to ignore those who are classed as bitches and let them be a normal case in a teenagers life. well your not a teenager forever babe. so start growing up now. for every action there is a reaction. with every dose of karma, you lose support, and by the end you have nobody. learn from it. and for those people who knows this applies to them, maybe try to be nice yeah?

why run when you can fly?

awww! this is genuine. this reminds me of the movie, "she's out of my league" in the end he realises that she's liked him for who he is the whole time, and it doesn't matter what your appearance is on the outside and that you should love a person for everything on the inside. This really is a lesson to be learnt, coz there are so many people out there that judge people from what they look like and not for their personalities. Don't let anyone make you feel like your not good enough, you have just as much chance as anyone else :)

Ima let the beat rock!

ohhh bob you definitely have a way with words! i think you pretty much said it all. genius :)

"i tell them they're zumba abs!"

i look at this picture and laugh at how stupid it is, but then notice how true it is, some people are never happy with their appearance, there are so many standards the media sets as well as the fear of being judged. Everyone wants to have what they don't, be who they aren't and never appreciate that the best person you can be is yourself. It's definitely easier said than done, because personally i always feel i have to live up to certain expectations, when it shouldn't be that way. i think that a day would go by so much more smoother, if in the morning you looked in the mirror with a smile, whether or not your happy that morning it'll go a long way :) because in the end you are who you are, and your going to have to live with yourself forever so you may as well be proud :)

HAHAHAHAH ohhh twilight....

HAHAHAHA! personally i like twilight, so i shouldn't be laughing.. buttttttt for all those people that HATE twilight, here you go hahhaa..

omg yum! this just about beats all birthday cakes! i wouldn't want to ruin it by eating it though... haha. must of taken aaaagggeesss to make! if you were to eat it, where would you start! :O

"its a classic"

this is how i feel every winter holidays haha. i feel like i should do something, but i end up just putting on my pjs and staying at home. i don't think theres anything more comfortable to wear than pajamas. pjs+hot cup of tea+warm bed= heaven ♥ aaaahhhhhhh

OK so i'm a day late.. my bad.. haha. but still pretty snazaaaay. is 2010 as amazing compared to 25 years ago? well i know that microwavable popcorn was only invented in 1984, dont know what the faaark people were doing till then! oh and also ipods only were released in 2001! (praise the lord) ha.. 2 lil funfacts for ya :)

thankyou!

i must thank Sanam once again! you are actually amazing! i think i would still be trying to sort my blog out if you hadn't helped me. thankyou sosososo much! your a sweetie :) love you!x

what are we gonna do today!

oh my gosh-ness! this is AMAZING! i know what my plans are for day 2 of my holidays! all i need is chocolate and balloons and some goodies to put inside... right now my mum isn't with us, shes off for a months holiday in Portugal, we have absolutely NO food. i've been living on tea for the past 2 weeks, and if im lucky a decent dinner.. i know... sad right. shows how much i cannot live without my precious mother!

the daily what

this person was obviously very well timed.. either that or its the magical wonders of photoshop.. but otherwise, kinda cute ya? i'd say its the sun but i'm not really sure, but imagine waking up to that :)

going insaaaane in the membrane

i think i need this book very much so! i've been at it for hours now, trying to sus this blog out. but its so hard! or maybe i'm just not very computer savvy. so far i can post blogs... thats about it.. but i want my blog to look all pretty yaknow? but i cant do it! :( i guess i'll google it or something.. ha ha ha

Lets begin with an inspiration :)

Really i'm only starting a blog because if my friend Sanam :) (visit her blog! http://sanamarama.blogspot.com/ -it's amazing!) an inspiration to us all, and who better to dedicate my first blog to :D I'm not really sure how long this blogging stuff is going to last.. but here goes! it's definitely going to be a work in progress, and maybe i'll enjoy it.. ha. This is for you Sanam ;p